Sunday, 7 December 2008

Dealing With Conflict in a Relationship (Part One)

We all meet people in at different levels, and under different circumstances. And with some, we end up developing relationship. We all are in some sort of relationship with somebody; it could be with a spouse, a boy friend or girl friend, a colleague at work, a class mate, roommate or a neighbor.

Relationship is a beautiful thing and some are ordained by God. God says it is not good for man to be alone. All relationships ordained by God are designed to empower us and help us become the people God created us to be. There is a place we may never get to in life until somebody comes into our lives – destiny helper. relationship is relevant in a man's life and we need to cherish it and do all we can to maintain it.

Once in a while though we experience conflict in our relationships. Conflicts don’t happen because we've stopped loving somebody or because we are in a relationship with the wrong person, they happen because of the human factor; we all make mistakes. we all change, only God does not change.

Conflict means that there is a misunderstanding or difficulty in your relationship or that you are having a disagreement in opinion regarding a matter and it is causing a rift between you and somebody you relate with.

It is important that you value your relationship no matter what, and look for a way to deal with any conflict you’ve found yourselves in. Working out Peace in a challenging relationship is very important, don’t ever say I don’t care if he wants to leave, let him and I don’t really care what happens. No, we are to pursue peace and pursue it hard because destiny could be interrupted if there is a breaking away and what you could have achieved in a year might take you ten years to achieve them.

So the Bible says:

Romans 12: 18
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”

Note that God desires that we make peace even with our enemies.

Proverbs 16: 7“When a man's ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him”

your enemy may turn out to be a mighty ally. he may be the introducer you are waiting for that can help bring before the king. Remember every man has got worth, every man is gifted, every man has something that can benefit somebody. No one man created by God is useless. So do all you can to maintain peace and friendship with people God has brought into your life, especially with those in the brotherhood.

Ephesians 4: 2-3
“With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 3Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”.

Why resolving conflict is important

I. We have the ministry of reconciliation
We are called to make peace with all men and to help them make peace with God.

2Corinthians 5: 17-19
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 18And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; 19To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation”.

Matthew 5: 9
“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

II. conflict can impact on your ability to be a witness
You can not be a witness to people you are not getting along with; they cant see the light of God in you if you are having a fight with them. You can not be a blessing to somebody who you cant look in the eye and I care. If the devil can cause a rift between you and him, he can will hinder your ability to reach out and make a difference in his life. Dont let that devil.

Philippians 2: 15
“That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world”.

Matthew 5: 44-45“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust”.

You know that you are walking in the light or are manifesting your light dependant on your fellowship life.

1John 1:6-7
“If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin”.

Fellowship is not about your attendance to church but your relationship with people.

III. Conflict can impact on destiny
Psalm 133: 1-3
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! 2It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments; 3As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the LORD commanded the blessing, even life for evermore”.

Like I have said before, anybody that comes into your life can be a destiny helper. And you could be his destiny helper too. Conflict arises to separate you and to hinder destiny fulfilling. Do what you can to maintain the relationship, dont just walk away, and never think you dont need anybody to get there.

IV. Conflict can make you ill
It can cause mental illness, depression, and heart ache e.t.c.

James 3: 16
“For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.”

It is difficult to live a peaceful and a happy life when there is somebody in your life you can't forgive or you are having a fight with. I dont know how you are able to get on with all the bitterness, with all the sense of betrayal and unforgiveness. I dont know how you manage to get on with people in your life you dont want to see, and dont want to talk you. that itself is imprisonment.

Romans 12: 18-21
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. 19Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 20Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. 21Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good”.

V. Conflict can hinder your prayer
Mark 11: 25-26

“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. 26But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcoming".

VI. Conflict can stand on your way to heaven
Romans 12: 14-15

“Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: 15Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled”.