Proverbs 18: 22
“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD”.
Marriage is a good thing; guys don’t be scared of it. If you take time to pray about it, God will favour you and will lead you to the right person.
Here are some hints that can help you make the right decision.
1. Look out for the fear of God in the person
2Coringhians 6: 14-16
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people”.
2. How much do you love the person
To make a good marriage, two kinds of love are required:
I. Agape: the love that is of God. The love that can make you be selfless for the person. The love that can lay down anything for the person.
II. Eros: this is sexual attraction. Don’t say I want to marry this person because God says so. No, you need to find the person sexually attractive. She must look beautiful in your eyes and he must look man enough and handsome in your eyes.
Something about the person’s physical feature must attract you. Otherwise tomorrow you are going to compare the person with someone else and wished you had married them.
3. Check the person’s sense of responsibility
Hebrews 11: 6
“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”
If you are faithful to God and you wait on him, he will not give you an irresponsible person i.e someone who will not have regard for you and treat like you have no value, Someone who has no regard for your parents, Someone who has no purpose in life, Someone selfish, lazy and unproductive, Someone who will end up being a pain and a burden.
If the person is a busybody, tell him to sort himself out before coming to you. You want to marry somebody who is willing and ready to be the bread winner, but don’t limit anybody to his now, People change and only God knows tomorrow. Michel Obama did not know she was marrying the future president of the United States of America when he first asked her for a date. My wife would not have married me if she had considered what I had then.
What to look out for are his attitude to learning, his attitude to work and his dealing with people. Also look at his vision, his drive and what he is doing to get there.
4. check your compatibility
No two people are the same so expect to be different.
Marriage is more exciting if you two don’t do things the same but you must agree on fundamental issues. It is a big problem if you are fundamentally different. If he or she is a match make from heaven, there will be chemistry for two cannot walk together except they be agreed.
Amos 3: 3
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
Matthew 12: 25
“And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:”
5. Consider your spiritual calling
Your relationship with God is one and the same with his calling for your life. Don’t marry anybody who has no regard for your calling or is not open for the unexpected from God. You cannot forsake your calling for the sake of your family as you cannot follow Christ if you are not willing and able to forsake them for him.
Matthew 19: 29
“And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.”
But you don’t have to put yourself in a position where you have to choose between God and man, so you need a spouse and a family that will stand by you and support you to fulfil your heavenly vision.
6. The place of family history
Family history and background is not necessary in destiny so dont rule out anybody because of the family he is coming from. But you need to know about the person's background so you are aware of what you are going into.
7. Parental consent
You need parental consent and blessing to go ahead with your marriage but don’t leave it to your parents to a make choice for you and don’t give them that power.
They love you and want the best for you but they are not to make your choice for you – you need to listen to their advice though and weigh it in the light of what you think is best for you. If parents resist your choice, patiently wait for them and pray until they come round.
8. The place of counselling in your decision making
Proverbs 11: 14
“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety”
Proverbs 15: 22
“Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.”
You need the assurance that you’ve got it right and you can know that assurance though counselling. Remember at the mouth of two or three witnesses a thing is established. Most people who refused to be talked to in the area of marriage end up in trouble. Seek counselling from your parents especially if they are born again. Seek counsel from someone who has parental or mentorship role in your life. But most importantly, seek counselling from your pastor – never go into a serious relationship without first seeking advice from your pastor. And if you don’t have a pastor, go have one – we all need a pastor.
Jeremiah 3: 15
“And I will give you pastors according to mine heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding.”
Whatever the case, you should make the ultimate decision.
9. Taking time to know each other
It is most interesting when love develops between two friends, so it is okay to fall in love with someone you’ve started with as friend. I encourage you have a period of courtship before marriage, don’t just meet somebody and arrange marriage straight away. It is not a clever thing to do, to marry someone that you know so little about. Someone you intend to live with for the rest of your life with.
The essence of courtship is not to find out God’s will – don’t go into courtship until you are sure you’ve found the right person. if you do, you are going to be breaking somebody hope and expectation when you decide to change your mind. Courtship is to help you work out your differences, help you develop friendship and intimacy, and help you to channel a pattern or the style your relationship will take. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, if you don’t develop friendship before marriage, you may end up spending the best part of it trying to resolve differences that would have been sorted before marriage.
- ► 2010 (11)